HOW TO .........Travel by 3 Tier AC

Many patients turn up in my clinic with a plethora of problems that they attribute to a recent overnight travel in a 3 tier AC compartment. The complaints range from muscular aches and joint dislocations to bronchial asthma and bronchopneumonia. Many report with contact allergy to the woolen blanket supplied (pristine and unwashed since manufacture), to cockroaches and insect repellants. I have seen 3 cases of rat-bite, 1 of snakebite (unproven, but apparently nonpoisonous) and 1 case of butting by a goat (property of a farmer in ‘wrong’ compartment).

A 3 tier compartment in motion is like a hostel dormitory on wheels, and has been constructed on similar logistic calculations - to accommodate the maximum number of horizontal humans, in a minimum of space. Railway engineers in their wisdom (peaking when relaxing in A/C First class) found it expedient to squeeze in more beds at right angles to the main rows to increase the number of berths. They were backed by statistical evidence to show that 2 in 8 Indians are less than 5 feet 6 inches tall, and ideally built for the side berths, which are exactly that length. Also, 1 in 8 Indians is bent around the middle of the back (due to age, farming trauma, tuberculous spine or persistent humility). The engineers argued that these citizens could be comfortably accommodated in the lower ‘side-berths‘. The deal is that at bed time, the opposing half-berths of the lower side-berths can be lowered to approximate each other but are specially fabricated to sag at the junction; thus creating a natural central hollow to accommodate the spinal bend.

Much research went into providing a middle side-berth but was given up as RAC passengers (‘Reservation Against Cancellation‘, but ‘Running After Conductor’ as it happens in reality) had to sit somewhere when waiting for allocation of berths. They also foresaw problems in logistics, with a middle berth projecting into the middle-girth of fatter passengers and ticket examiners, hindering their free movement along corridors.

3 tier compartments pose most challenges to women, the obese and the elderly who failed to book on time and have been allotted middle or upper berths. (TTRs plead that ‘berth-control’ is a matter of adjustment between passengers, a wicked pun that brings in much needed smiles all round). Middle berths are ideal for agile youngsters, and the rare elders who teach yoga and can levitate when necessary to middle berth levels. For the average non-yogic citizen, sliding into a middle berth calls for a combination of reptilian, avian and simian maneuvers, largely lost during evolution. Even the reasonably agile find it tricky moving in, as it calls for a sustained right angled bend at the hips, at the point of entry at the soles-end of the berth. Having glided in, turning over on to one’s back is even more of a challenge in the narrow confines of the berth, between the partition, taut chains and within a height approximating human width. There are stray records of some foolish fat people having lain through whole nights on their abdomen unable to turn, breathe or snore, or even to call for help; a few had to be delivered in the morning at the caudal end, in a semi conscious state, by kind passengers from the side berths (who enjoy more mobility and motility and were in a position to help).

As a rule of thumb, the top berths are beyond the reach of most men or women over 60, or obese beyond 80 (Kg). There are ladder steps along the side of the cubicle to facilitate the ascent, but call for adopting some demeaning postures en route, particularly for the dhothi or saree clad. The situation is even worse for those allotted ‘side uppers’. It is like mounting a restless horse using a swinging stirrup. The altitude is same but the side uppers call for a brief straddling across the width of the corridor and an unsupported right turn in space. But most often you get a forceful push at your fulcral end from passengers in the corridor, fed up with your dangling and keen to get on with their lives.

Are there any helpful suggestions for those who are set to travel, but denied lower berth? 1) Do not dye your hair before the trip. Avoid mascara. Look your age and preferably more haggard. 2) Ask the robust young for an exchange of berth, within seconds of their appearance. 3) Abolish the idea of asking the virile old co-travellers, smug in their lower berths, who booked their berths at the turn of the century. 3) Never hesitate to ask even men in their mid-fifties for their lower berth. Many feel flattered and oblige. 4) Forget chivalry and ask the older woman who seems strong and able. If she still has a waist, she surely ‘gyms‘ at dawn and loves ‘pull-ups’. One extra pull up shouldn’t hurt her 5) If you are young but obese, any sympathy from the lower berthers, is unlikely. If destined for an upper berth, get in to the train very early and make the ascent in stages, gently. Splay the limbs as required. Look at the positive side. A fall is less traumatic, as you are well padded. Descent is never a problem as gravity is on your side.